Stinky pee

As you can probably tell, I've been in a cooking funk lately. So I thought I would document something easy (which seems to be all I can make lately)

So my favourite* way to make asparagus is to just broil it with some olive oil and seasoning.

First thing, oven to high broil. Let it get warm for a few minutes.

Take the woody ends off. Throw on a sheet pan with a little olive oil and salt.



Into the oven for 4-5 minutes.

When you next look at them, there should be a fair amount of sizzle going on. Shake the pan a bit to get them moved around and let go for another minute or two.

Pull them out and hit with a little pepper. Done



And of course
Ice


*spelled that way to make our readers who are subjects of the HRH Queen Elizabeth II feel at home

You might already be a winner!

Announcing the first ever

SUPER ULTRA MEGA HAKAMABLOG CONTEST

You can win this AWESOME set of three nesting bowls. These bowls were actually owned by yours truly.


YES, IT'S TRUE. You can actually touch the same bowls I use to cook with!

The rules are simple

You are to pick one of my recipes and make it. Then you send me pictures of said delightful foodstuffs.

I will judge the pictures based on; difficulty of the recipe, how well it turned out, quality of the pictures, and/or phase of the moon.

You have until December 19th.

So start baking.

I look forward to seeing your entries.

Hold on to your hats. I am about to blow your mind

There is a pizza place here in town that is...get ready... better than mine.

Your mind = boggled.
Your foundation = shaken

How can this be true you ask?

Well, it is. Dove Vivi has simply the best pizza I have ever had.

You can blame Bart and Lynn for this. They are the ones who told us about it. Every time I eat there, I shake my fist in the air and curse their names.

Like the starter, this is a super easy recipe.

oven to 475

ingredients for today are;
flour 40 oz
water 30 oz
1 oz salt
.3 oz yeast
various herbs

proof the yeast in the water and sift the flour if it needs it. throw the salt in the flour.


put the poolish we made yesterday in the kitchenaid
add the water/yeast and mix
gradually add the flour/salt mix

let that mix on low for a bit. make sure you get all the flour incorporated.

while that is going, oil up a sheet pan


you want just a sheen of oil. just enough to keep the from sticking. any more that that and the final product will end up being too oily.

by now the dough is ready to go. this is going to be a sticky, soft dough. I usually pour it out into the same container I used to make the poolish to rise.

let it go for a while. once it's ready, pour it into the sheet pan. it will help to add a little oil to your hands so that you don't end up with your fingers cemented together.


now just smooth the dough out to all the corners. I like to spray some plastic wrap with Pam and cover the dough for a second, quicker rise. just really to let it rest for ~5-10 minutes.


once that's done it time to add the toppings. i like to go with rosemary, thyme, crushed red peppers, oregano, and salt


i usually season it pretty heavily. so knock yourself out. just not too much salt.

now off to the oven. this took about 20 minutes. with one turn halfway.


cutting into it, the crumb is kind of tight without a lot of large holes. so it's not quite what i wanted.

2 reason for this:
1) i got in a rush and didn't let it it rise enough
2) i used low gluten flour. it was all i had around. i usually use high gluten or bread flour.

but, this will work well for sandwiches. so the hyper-critical voices in my head can suck it


but olivia does not care one bit. she has ice


if you are by the house, swing by and pick some up.

Ferkakdeh!

Umm I mean focaccia

super simple. You don't even need to turn the oven on today.

But you do need to make a poolish

Start with the following

10 oz water
10 oz flour
pinch yeast

mix it all together and put in an airtight container


It will be pretty soft. Just a bit thicker than pancake batter



Let it sit overnight. It will add flavor and awesomeness for the finished product

OK, what should I make this weekend?

what do you want to see? I promise nothing.

Because I have an ego the size of a small city

I thought I'd post/share/brag about this email I got about the strawberry cake from one of Elaine's coworkers.

"Ok, Robert, we have not met yet, but Elaine shared your masterpiece with me today and I need tell you that this was the best tasting cake I have ever had. It was amazing for texture and the light strawberry flavor-- elusive but undeniable. I don't think there is a better word than "Fresh". I shared this cake with my office colleagues--the response was an enthusiastic one---unbelievable cake!"

Now I will struggle to get around with this (even more) inflated ego

Rachel's cake

so for little rachel's b-day, i was going to do a mocha cake. but after talking to jon i decide to make her a strawberry cake.

i talked to rachel a little about it and how it was assembled. and well, if you've known me for more than 10 minutes, you know my mind tends to wander. So I sort of winged it. and if i say so myself, this cake turned out really good. i am not a huge fan of strawberries. but it had a great flavor

I used the usual buttercream recipe except I omitted the chocolate and replaced it with strawberry goodness.

I threw a half pint of berries into a pot with ~.25 cup of sugar

added a pinch of salt and turned the heat to medium.
cook that stirring occasionally. it will break down the berries and add awesomeness.


it's important to taste it at this stage. this batch of berries were not super sweet. so i had to add sugar to get the taste right.
then, i hit it with the stick blender to smooth it out.
now cook it on low for a bit until it is reduced and thickened. make sure to stir it so it does not burn.

set that aside to let cool. once the butter has been added to the buttercream, throw about a half cup of the strawberry mixture in to flavor. i added a few drops of red food color as well. so the end result is nice and pink. cooked berries can get a muddy color after a while. as well, this makes a good strawberry sauce. just strain it to remove any of the those evil little seeds. seeds are agents of the devil.

throw the buttercream in the fridge to get it set up. you can make this a few days ahead to save time.


The Cake

this is the yellow butter cake from the cake bible
super easy and really quick

oven to 350

6 yolks
1 c milk
2.25 tsp vanilla (or 1 bean)
10.5 oz cake flour (sifted)
10.5 oz sugar
4 tsp baking powder
.25 tsp table salt
6 oz butter


combine the yolks and about .25 cup of the milk.
combine dry ingredients and mix for a minute or so
add the butter and remaining milk, mix on low to combine
then mix on medium for a few minutes
scrape sides of the bowl
add egg mixture in 3 steps, scraping after each addition

when you put the batter in a pan, remember that these will rise more than you expect. so make sure not to fill the pans to more than halfway.

The Filling

rachel gave me a general description of the filling in this cake. so i took a swing at it.

i put 2 8 oz pachages of room temp cream cheese in the mixer. started it on low to get it broken up and added about a half cup of sugar and a pinch of salt. let it go on med low for a minute or so to get mixed well. just make sure there are no lumps. you can add vanilla if that floats your boat. (it floated mine)

then i diced up 4-5 strawberries



and folded them into the mixture


i then whipped about a cup of cream with some powdered sugar. i didn't really measure the sugar. just add enough to make it taste good. start with .25 cup and go from there.

once it was at medium peaks, i folded that into the rest and it all goes into the fridge.


i cut each cake into two layers and filled it with a layer of the cream cheese mixture along with halved berries



keep doing that until it's time for the buttercream. as always, i did a crumb coat first.



the final result.


and since hakamadog has been given a clean bill of health by the doggie oncologist, she gets more ice

Teaser for the next recipe

Strawberry buttercream frosting is good

Italian creme cake

This cake is similar to carrot cake. Just without the carrots.

Off we go
Oven to 375

For the icing, you can use the same icing that we made for carrot cake (see, I told you they were similar)

Ingredients are as follows

butter 12 oz
sugar 17 oz
corn syrup 2 oz
eggs 4
cake flour 12 oz
baking powder 1 tsp
salt .25 oz
buttermilk 10 oz
vanilla .5 oz extract or 1 bean
pecans 4 oz
coconut 4 oz
egg whites 7 oz



cucumber and tomatoes are optional

throw the butter in the mixer and beat until fluffy.
add sugar, vanilla, and salt then corn syrup
sift the cake flour and baking soda together and add one third
add one third of the buttermilk
take turns adding milk and flour
once all combined, add the nuts and coconut
set that aside for a minute
whip the egg whites to soft peaks
fold the whites in to the cake mix



I made a small cake and some cupcakes.


Ice with the cream cheese and enjoy

ugh, what a crap day

The much adored hakamaDOG had a tumor removed from her lip today. she is coming out of anesthesia and whining quite a bit. we'll see how tomorrow is.

one a lighter note, here are some pictures of stuff we ate in Europe



This is a raspberry tort we had at the hotel grand pupp. That place was very nice



some of the best panna cotta i have ever had. it was at the coda restaurant in the hotel aria . the other pictures are from coda too. i am too worn out to look them up. yeah, i got the executive chef to sign a copy of the degustation menu.

Stop your grinnin' and drop your linen

whoo! I'm back!

ok, it's been a while. been traveling and stuff so no time for the blog. i will post up some pictures of the stuff we ate but will have to get them from little rachel.

one thing that the trip reinforced for me was that I just don't like beer.

We were in Germany, nothing made me say "now I see what people go on about". Even in the Czech Rep, where pilsner was created. nothing did it for me. the only beer i came close to liking was Budvar.

Anyway, here's a picture for you beer afficianados. taken in prague. or as the hipsters like me say "praha".


ok, down to what i came here for.

Let's talk about some profiteroles. the basis of which is choux paste. or pate a choux. i think choux is french for cabbage. so cabbage paste. yeah, those crazy frogs.

let's make the filling first so it can chill.

milk 24 oz
heavy cream 8 oz
sugar 2 oz
egg yolks 12
sugar 5 oz
cornstarch 2 oz
butter (room temp) 2 oz
one of two vanilla beans (or 1.5 tblsp extract)

bring the milk, cream and first sugar to a boil
while that boils, whisk together the yolks and second sugar. then add the cornstarch. make sure it's all mixed in and no lumps remain.


once the milk mixture boils, add about a quarter of it to the yolks. now the trick is to do this while whisking the yolks. if you don't, you will end up with some awesomely sweet scrambled eggs.

start whisking the yolks and then add a little bit of the hot liquid. this is just to warm up the yolks so they don't curdle.

add the now warm yolks back to the hot liquid while whisking and back onto low heat. keep stirring until the mixture gets thick.

pull it off the heat and into a bowl to cool. once it reaches ~120, add the butter and stir it in. cover that and throw it in to the fridge.

now make the ganache. we have covered this before.

Cream 1 pint
Corn syrup 3 oz
Chocolate (chips or chopped up) 1.5#
Butter 1.5 oz

Bring cream and corn syrup to a boil. Meanwhile, place chocolate and butter in a bowl.


Pour cream over chocolate in 4 or 5 steps, stirring in between. If you stir in too much air it won't look as nice and glossy. So go slow and do not use a whisk.

it will look all kinds of nasty before it pulls together. stay the course.


Choux paste

this recipe makes a fair amount. so try doing half.

oven at 400

milk 17 oz
water 17 oz
sugar 1 oz
salt .5 oz
butter, cubed 17 oz
flour (bread) 10 oz
cake flour 9 oz
eggs 18-20

wooo doggy, that is a lot of eggs. like i said, try half.

bring the water, milk, sugar, salt, and butter to a boil in a large pan.


once it boils, remove from the heat and add all the flour

the eagle eyed among you will notice those are two different pans. when i went to add the flour, i realized that the first pan was not going to be big enough (durrrr).

back to the recipe.
put the pan back on the heat and stir like a mofo.
you will know it's done when you see the dough (dough/paste, whatever) start to try and form a ball. if you look close in the picture you will see the edges are just starting to round out.

throw all this into a mixer bowl and start adding the eggs.



it's best to have them cracked already. i reserve the lest few. you never know how many you will really need.


so add the eggs with the paddle attachement on a medium-ish setting

they will incorporate fairly quickly at first. as you near the end, it will take a little more effort to get them mixed in. at this stage, stop the mixer and grab a spatula. put the spat in the dough and pull up a big chunk. if it takes more than a 5 count for it to slide off the spat, add the other eggs. you'll get the hang of it after you do it a few times.

so now you are done with the choux. for profiteroles, i pipe them out onto a silpat


notice there are little peaks. those will burn. so use a wet spoon or fingertip to smoothe them down


now take a good look at the next picture. they are a tad under done. my issue is that i failed to rotate the top and bottom pans. so the bottoms got a bit too dark...on the bottom. i pulled them a little early. ideally, they will be a bit darker than this.



let them cool. add the pastry cream to a piping bag, cut a slit or two into the bottom of each profiterole and pipe the cream into the bottom. go slow so you don't have a blow out. mmmmm sweet, sweet blowout.

once they are all filled, dip them in ganache.

and the final product.

Sorry no new stuffs

Been buy with work. And we are about to head out on some vacation. I am sure there will be many "OMG, look whay I ate in Prague" posts

bagutte part 2

Well, sort of. Made it and it was fine. But in my hurry, I formatted the CF card with the pictures on it.

Hey, I never said I was samrt.


I will make it again and keep the pictures this time. probably.

Let's get our bagette on

To make good french bread, you will need high gluten flour or gluten to add in.

And this process is a two day affair.

Today on day one we will make the poolish. I want you to add equal parts flour and water with a heavy pinch of yeast together. Let's say 6 ounces.


Put it in an airtight container and let it sit until tomorrow.

So to recap:
6 oz water
6 oz flour
Good solid pinch of yeast
Mix

Biscuit submission from a reader

David made the biscuits and said they were great. Thanks for the picture and feedback.

Weiners!

We went to Gartners the other day to get some meat for dinner. When I saw these sausages (hot dogs really) I just had to buy some. OK, I will admit, I bought them solely because they looked like the sausages I always saw in cartoons when I was a kid.

They were pretty good. Better than your run of the mill hot dog.

Biscuits - this time, they don't suck

Ok, ok, ok. I screwed the pooch on those last biscuits. man, they were bad. I'm not even going to say where I got the recipe from. The source may one day read this blog, and I'm a little afraid of her.

I was reading the NYT today. They had a little article on buttermilk and how it's making a comeback.
1) did it ever leave?
2) who drinks that stuff? (shudder)
The recipe they published is an adaptation from the Watershed Restaurant in Decatur, Ga. I changed it up some too. I have a small rant planned.

Oven at 500

2 cups cold buttermilk
1 T cream of tartar
1.5 t baking soda
5 cups AP flour (1.5 #) (rant building)
1T +1t Diamond Crystal kosher salt (.5 oz) (rant rising)
.5 cup +2 T butter, cubed, cold (5 oz) (urge to rant at critical)



(Insert rant here)

why in god's name do people do that nonsense? 1 cup plus 2 tablespoons of butter, or 2 cups flour? Is it that hard to actually weigh something out? It's lazy and makes me crazy.

Say you don't have Diamond Crystal salt. Say you are using another kosher salt of heaven forbid you buck the trend towards kosher salt and use table salt. If you used the technique of measuring it by volume, you would be screwed. And don't get me started on flour. I say if you insist on using volume as your sole method of measuring, it means you don't love America, freedom, or puppies.

I say everyone should take a look at this book. It makes so much sense
(End rant)

Sift all of the dry together.
Throw in the butter and work it with your hands until it has a nice consistency. Think wet sand with a few lumps of butter.





Make a well in the middle and pour the milk in. Mix with your hands or you can use a spoon if you wish. The spoon will just get clogged up and hard to deal with pretty quickly.

The dough should feel slight tacky. If it's dry to the touch, add another couple T of buttermilk.

Once that's done, dump it out and form into a disc.


I like to roll it out, then fold it like you would with puff pastry. It gives the finished product a nice layered look.



Once I have folded it over, I like to use a floured glass and cut the biscuits out. Jon should like this part.



Bake for about 10-15 min.


And as always, ice for the dog